By Klea Kalia

…Because sometimes, celebrities just really suck at Twitter. And other times, they kill the tweet game. Keep reading to see what we mean.


The hilarity of Cher’s tweets lies in her indiscriminate use of caps lock, unrestrained emoji usage, and the fact that a lot of them seem to make absolutely zero sense. However, her Twitter is rife with political and social commentary; if you’ve ever wanted to know Cher’s opinions on Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and ISIS, her tweets talk about them, among many, many other things. Plus, the shoutouts to her “🐥🐥’dees” make you feel you’re part of something much greater than yourself.

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Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart’s Twitter may just be the strangest but most hilarious thing on the planet. If you happen to be a die-hard Martha Stewart fan, you’re in luck, because the painfully detailed captions on each photo she uploads let you know exactly where she is, what she is doing, who she is doing it with, and, sometimes, what she is wearing while doing it. If you don’t stay for her grandma-on-Facebook style tweets, stay for her inspiring disregard for the use of periods.

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Have you seen the squirrel at the U.S. open?? Watch video on marthastewart Instagram</p>— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) <a href=”https://twitter.com/MarthaStewart/status/639062941581594624″>September 2, 2015</a></blockquote>


<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>We are at dinner discussing garden challenges . Do you have a good way for dealing with chipmunks?</p>— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) <a href=”https://twitter.com/MarthaStewart/status/614938802407215104″>June 27, 2015</a></blockquote>


Jenny Slate

It is not long before you find a tweet by comedian/actress (and Columbia alum) Jenny Slate that so accurately describes your life that it makes you feel a little less alone in the world for whatever weird thing you do. Her tweets are just the right mix of emotional, shameless, and relatable. Whether she’s deciding whether to wear a bra to an open house or experiencing various types of wardrobe malfunctions, Jenny reminds us that celebrities are truly just like us.

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>I’ve gotten to this place: if yr text or email doesn’t have a million !!! I think ur really deeply angry w me for a mystery/shameful reason</p>— jenny slate (@jennyslate) <a href=”https://twitter.com/jennyslate/status/644189808563085312″>September 16, 2015</a></blockquote>


<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Well i just sweated through a tiny crop top sweater shirt like it was my fucking job.</p>— jenny slate (@jennyslate) <a href=”https://twitter.com/jennyslate/status/641403935400423425″>September 9, 2015</a></blockquote>


Keough Novak

Keough Novak is The Office writer B.J. Novak’s fictional portrayal of his 16-year-old sister. If it sounds absurd, that’s because it is. Her superficial, distinctly millennial personality is clear even from her bio, which includes the phrases, “Keep Adderall Legal,” and “Lana del Rye.” Her gripes about Snapchat and clever pop culture commentary make you forget that she’s a fake teenager whose thoughts are actually those of a 36-year-old guy who never even had a sister.

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Real talk are these musicians in the black and white Apple Music ads or like rejected Levi’s models</p>— Keough Novak (@KeoNovak) <a href=”https://twitter.com/KeoNovak/status/631523278281142273″>August 12, 2015</a></blockquote>


<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Check your phone so I can check my phone</p>— Keough Novak (@KeoNovak) <a href=”https://twitter.com/KeoNovak/status/590729599635566592″>April 22, 2015</a></blockquote>


Rainn Wilson

If you’re looking to hear more from Rainn Wilson’s character from The Office, Dwight Schrute, his Twitter is probably not the place to go. But Rainn Wilson—the person—has a Twitter full of funny, clever quips and comments on society ranging from pronouncing the word “niche” to the level of happiness in clams. The twists he puts on the strange and interesting observations he makes will really make you think and look at things in a different light.

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>”I should have checked my phone more!” -everyone, while on their deathbed</p>— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) <a href=”https://twitter.com/rainnwilson/status/630843544513572864″>August 10, 2015</a></blockquote>


<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>“In 2040 Kanye West was elected President for an unprecedented 5th term. The Browns repeated as SuperBowl Champions.” <a href=”https://twitter.com/hashtag/FutureHistoryBook?src=hash”>#FutureHistoryBook</a></p>— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) <a href=”https://twitter.com/rainnwilson/status/642003376947892224″>September 10, 2015</a></blockquote>


First Year, First Impressions


By Emma Yee Yick

I have officially been living in this place for a month. One whole month and I can hardly believe how fast time has gone. By now, the “summer camp” feel of NSOP has worn off and I have mastered the basics of being a Barnard student: learning my way around campus and actually making it to my classes (tunnels included), remembering to always hold up my ID when I enter residence halls, finalizing my first schedule, maneuvering the various dining halls, honing the art of stocking up on fruit from said dining halls, and acclimating to the whole communal bathroom situation. I have yet to become a professional subway rider, however (I still have to use an app on my phone to figure out where I am and I still get freaked out about getting left behind at a station on a particularly busy train), but I’m working on it.

So in proper, first-year fashion, I am here to provide my initial thoughts and impressions on all this newness that has become my life.

  1. It’s been so long since I have had to introduce myself. I have met more people in the span of these four weeks than number of students in my high school. Granted, I did come from a rather small high school with around 110 people, but still with this, I conclude that introducing yourself to a few hundred people in such a short span of time is tolling. Every time I would eat with a new group of people, or participate in an activity, I knew what I was in for. A series of larger than life smiles and name exchanges that I knew for certain I wouldn’t remember the next day.

This brings me to my next thought on college so far.

  1. For a while, back in August when I was still gung-ho with the introductions thing, I was eager to latch on to people quickly in hopes of making friends. Because after all, how was I going to survive these next four years without an amazing group of friends? But just as quickly as that fad came, it went, and I realized that in time I would meet “my people.” Now as October rolls around, I can safely say that the kickass friends I hang out with now were made naturally, through mutual interests, interesting conversations, lots and lots of laughs, and most importantly: forced-introductions-free—it just took some time.
  1. The only part of my college experience so far that I extremely detest is something that I have come to know as the “three in the morning call of nature.” I’m not sure if this is an “only Emma” thing, but it basically involves me, being forced to wake up at ungodly hours of the night/morning to pee, and then proceeding to walk down an entire hallway to take care of this issue. It happens on a regular basis, despite my feverish efforts to drink less liquids before bedtime and my making sure to use the bathroom right before I sleep. But almost every night of the week, without fail, I am woken up by an uncontrollable urge to pee. I try to just sleep it off, but that never works. So I manage to pull myself out of bed, making sure to keep my sleep mask covering about ¾ of my eye vision, and I zombie-walk my way down the hall and onto a toilet seat. I apologize for anyone who has seen me/has tried to talk to me in this state.
  1. Lastly I want to talk about Barnard. Unlike many of my peers, I never got to visit Barnard before I arrived on campus this August. I remember my first few days here, everyone was already talking about how much they loved Barnard—and don’t get me wrong I was excited too, but I didn’t love it yet.

I definitely “loved” Barnard (or thought I “loved” Barnard) when I applied and chose to go here, but as goes with any virtual or cyber relationship, it wasn’t an immediate overwhelming feeling of adoration when I finally came face to face with it. After all, it’s common knowledge that love at first sight is a farce. So, for awhile I felt unsure of my choice. Almost everyone I met gushed about how much they loved everything about Barnard so far, leading me to wonder if I would ever love it as much as they did. One month in, I can say that while I am not in love with Barnard yet, I sure am falling in love with it. Barnard is my safe haven, from the craziness that is NYC and from the huge community that is Columbia. Barnard is home to a comradery of incredible, intelligent, and empowered women. Women who I am lucky to call my friends, mentors, and role models. And finally, if I am sure of one thing, it is that Barnard is the place for me. Here’s to the next four years!

Photo by Sharon Wu

125 Things to Do Before You Graduate From Barnard

Photo by Maddie Molot, Model: Carina HardyPhoto by Maddie Molot, Model: Carina Hardy

Welcome to Barnard, Class of 2019! We’re so excited to have you here. As you acclimate to our beloved Morningside Heights campus, we’re sharing the 125 things you’re going to want to do before you graduate from Barnard. As NSOP comes to a close, senior year is still far away—but there’s no time like the present to get started on a college checklist! See how many items you can already check off of our Barnard to-do list, originally published in our October 2014 issue—and get excited to check off the rest in the next four years!

Stay tuned to find out when we’ll have our first meeting of the semester, and best of luck!

-The editors of The Barnard Bulletin

1. Take a selfie with Millie the Dancing Bear.
2. Try to catch a lift from the Barnard Shuttle.
3. Realize the Barnard Shuttle is out of order.
4. Go to ONE constellation event.
5. Wave your fake candle at Covocation.
6. Go to the wrong Lehman Library.
7. Overeat at Midnight Breakfast.
8. Triumphantly claim your free frappuccino after singing karaoke at Liz’s Place.
9. Go to an event for the free Barnard swag.
10. Eat at Hewitt on Caribbean night.
11. Spot DSpar eating at Absolute Bagels. Fangirl like crazy and tell everyone.
12. Learn (or at least attempt to learn) “College on the Hilltop.”
13. Have your spot in the library.
14. Go to the Brooks study lounge in your PJs.
15. Complain about the patriarchy.
16. Tie every conversation back to the patriarchy.
17. Crush the patriarchy.
18. Perfect the art of the feminist rant.
19. Worship DSpar.
20. Get locked out of your room.
21. Make NSOP friends.
22. Forget the names of 90% of the people you met during NSOP.
23. Eat pizza more than 3 times a week.
24. Take Reacting to the Past.
25. Go on a class field trip to the Met.
26. Dance at any and all campus BBQs.
27. Take Back the Night.
28. Sit under the magnolia tree.
29. Host a prospective student.
30. Brag about Barnard alumnae to your friends back home.
31. Try (and fail) to do your homework perched in the magnolia tree.
32. Tell someone it’s not a girl’s school, but a women’s college.
33. Read a book by Mary Gordon.
34. Have class outside.
35. Get lost in the tunnels.
36. Love the tunnels come February.
37. Make friends with Claudia at Liz’s Place.
38. Survive the Housing Games.
39. Raid the Quad vending machines.
40. Run out of points thanks to Diana Cafe pizza.
41. Wait in line for a package.
42. PDF a class.
43. Talk about the 10th way of knowing–coffee.
44. Talk about how the 9 Ways are better than the Core.
45. Curse the existance of the 8:40 class.
46. Read Installment. Miss it once you leave the Quad
47. Steal free condoms from the Well Woman office.
48. Steal free chocolate from the Well Woman office
49. Take Dance in New York City.
50. Get to know (one of) your class deans.
51. Take a dance class (even if you have two left feet).
52. Take African Dance.
53. Start explaining the tumultuous Barnard/Columbia relationship and stop because you realize it’s not worth it.
54. Contemplate heavily on the tumultuous Barnard/Columbia relationship.
55. Contempate heavily on your tumultuous relationship with a Columbia man (and stop because you realize he’s not worth it).
56. Take the subway to class (if you live on 110).
57. Brush your teeth in the library during finals.
58. Go to a frat party and realize that there’s nothing “fraternal” about it.
59. Believe that you can have it all!
60. And then realize that it’s okay if you don’t (have it all).
61. Take a profile pictures posed with the magnolia tree.
62. Be on Faces of Barnard.
63. Build a friendship with a professor.
64. Get on a first name basis with your advisor.
65. Change your major.
66. Change your major again.
67. Take a Women’s Studies class.
68. Friend Diana TheCenter on Facebook.
69. Get tagged by Diana TheCenter for leaving your ID there.
70. Intern in the city.
71. Join the Barnard Babysitting Agency.
72. Take the Barnard Bartending Class (and pass the exam).
73. Stock up on local produce (and baked goods) at the farmers’ market.
74. Get a Morningside Heights CSA share.
75. Get a milkshake at 2 a.m. at Tom’s.
76. Go to a halal cart for a midnight snack.
77. Snag a piece of Big Sub.
78. Celebrate Founders’ Day.
79. Host (or listen to) a WBAR station.
80.Go to the WBARBQ.
81. Find the perfect study nook on campus.
82. Go to a student theater production.
83. Work with a Writing Fellow.
84. Finish a whole Koronet’s slice.
85. Read Debora Spar’s Wonder Women book.
86. Use your student ID to get discounts.
87. Go to the Metropolitan Opera.
88. Get an on-campus job.
89. Eat an Insomnia cookie.
90. Order a late night grilled cheese from Feel Good.
91. Audition for Orchesis.
92. Get into an L-course off the waitlist.
93. Brag about how Barnard’s football team is undefeated since 1889.
94. Get student rush tickets for a Broadway show.
95. Mourn the loss of the swimming pool.
96. Go to Debora Spar’s office hours.
97. Get your resume revamped by Career Development.
98. Run on the track in LeFrak.
99. Buy a Spirit Week t-shirt.
100. Live in one of the 600s.
101. Talk to your personal librarian.
102. Have an awkward sign-in experience.
103. Go to a class event.
104. Crash a class event that isn’t for your class.
105. Upgrade your first year tote to a Senior Experience one.
106. Keeping thinking SX says “SEX” on your senior tote.
107. Join a club that’s not in your area of expertise.
108. Go ice skating in Bryant Park.
109. Adventure to all five boroughs of New York City (even Staten Island).
110.Go to a Bacchante concert.
111. Check out the Milbank greenhouse.
112. Go up on the Diana roof.
113. See a student improv show.
114. Get a deal on the Barnard Buy Sell Trade page on Facebook.
115. Attend a student reading.
116. Go to the Athena Film Festival.
117. Snag cheap movie tickets at the Barnard Store.
118. Buy books at Book Culture and return them when the cheaper ones arrive from Amazon.
119. Get your coffee from Joe or Oren’s. Swear your allegiance to either.
120. Read The Barnard Bulletin.
121. Fix a printer in the Quad computer labs by hitting it repeatedly.
122. Be constantly inspired by the students around you.
123. Have an amazing commencement speaker.
124. Write for The Barnard Bulletin.
125. Major in Unafraid.

Post-Grad Plans

By Ariana Busby

In our May centerpiece, we explore just what the Class of 2015 will be doing after they part from our beloved school.

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In just a number of days, the Class of 2015 will swap their thesis-writing sweatpants for blue graduation gowns as they prepare to graduate. Barnard has produced an extensive list of celebrated alumnae, and it is not uncommon to hear of the illustrious careers of graduated peers. However, for many of the seniors who are moments away from starting life as real adults, the days, months, and years ahead hold far more precariousness than certainty. This fear is no doubt grounded in the increasing unreliability of the young person’s job market.

A 2014 study showed that approximately 8.5 percent of college graduates between the ages of 21 and 24 were unemployed and nearly 17 percent were “underemployed.” This label means that these candidates were unsuccessful as of yet in the job hunt and working part-time at a job they were overqualified for due to a lack of full-time opportunities. Moreover, 44 percent of college graduates with a B.A. between the ages of 22 and 27 worked at jobs that did not require a Bachelor’s degree, often at a much lower pay than they would receive in a job demanding a diploma. These statistics make impending adulthood all the more intimidating. But, as always, Barnard students approach this challenge with tenacity, openness, and determination.

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For students still cultivating their interests and considering multiple career options, beginning work directly out of school can be a good opportunity to crystallize professional priorities and exercise a variety of skills. Such is the case for Anna Dydzuhn, BC ’15, who will be starting work as a Global Business Consultant for IBM at the end of the summer. In her position at IBM, she will gain experience in a variety of consulting capacities and often travel four days a week. After working a couple years in the position, employees will either be promoted or choose to explore alternative opportunities. It might be surprising to some that an English major like Dydzuhn is planning to pursue a career in finance. However, she says that studying a humanities subject was not a limitation on her professional pursuits. She found that her liberal arts education allowed her to expand both personally and intellectually. In choosing a career in consulting, she was drawn to the same idea of interdisciplinary flexibility.

Graduate or professional school is often an option for students who want to continue pursuing higher education. Samantha Gilbert, BC ’15, a Political Science major, is pursuing a Master’s in Public Administration at George Washington University in the fall. Gilbert struggled with the decision to continue school immediately after completing her Barnard education, but ultimately saw graduate school as an important step in advancing her career. Further narrowing her interests made a specific route of study easier to imagine: “I’ve always known I wanted to go into politics, but I didn’t expect to attend grad school so soon after graduation. One of my political science colloquia inspired me to pursue a career in food and agriculture policy after writing a term paper on the WIC program.” In this way, Gilbert’s experiences in the Barnard classroom helped shape her professional goals.

Gilbert is excited to relocate to Washington, D.C. which for her, is the most advantageous place to be as it will allow her to network and connect with people in the field she wants to pursue. However, she says she will miss the excitement of New York City and being close to friends: “It’s going to be difficult adjusting to calling people on the phone instead of knocking on the door when I want to talk.” Despite the distance, Gilbert knows that her Barnard friendships will stay strong.

Another student for whom graduate school is a necessary professional measure is Claire Bouchard, BC ’15. Bouchard recognized her passion for law as a young child and now seeks to work specifically in international civil litigation. Though prepared to follow multiple paths toward her goal, Bouchard hopes to defer law school for a year and travel throughout the Middle East in order to learn Arabic. She feels that this kind of travel will not only help her grow personally, but give her experience that will be essential to her international law career. Her time at Barnard has shown her the importance of global thinking and she wants to capitalize on this perspective in her post-grad plans.

The life of a post-grad is often portrayed as a disparate dichotomy: either she has effortless confidence starting her job at Goldman Sachs while wearing an exquisitely-tailored suit or she’s eating ramen in an overcrowded apartment while being woefully unemployed. In reality, every graduate will likely experience both of these sensations after completing college, and Barnard students are no different. The upcoming few years for graduates could represent just the beginning of a lasting and beloved career or a valuable period of re-evaluation and reflection. But as with any challenge, Barnard students will inevitably tackle these years with determination, wit, and unyielding curiosity. Congratulations, Class of 2015!

Photos by Maddy Molot
Model: Aku Acquaye